


Ever the Same

by iamamiwhoami



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Confessions, Confidence, Driving, F/F, Fluff and Angst, I Needed This After The Finale, Lena Luthor Knows Kara Danvers Is Supergirl, Metropolis, Post Reveal, ReignCorp, Ruby Loves Her Mommies, Running Away, Sam Loves Lena So Much
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923041
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamamiwhoami/pseuds/iamamiwhoami
Summary: When truth and betrayal collide and Lena can't bear it alone, she goes to the only person who has never lied to her.





	Ever the Same

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys. I miss Samantha Arias and I feel truly damaged after the finale. I love Kara, I love Alex, I love them all, but I think it's important to be aware of this fact, that Sam is really the only one we've seen interacting intimately with Lena who never lied to her.
> 
> Inspired by "Ever the Same", by Rob Thomas. 
> 
> I hope you enjoy. :)

 

She likes driving at night. Darkness engulfs the whole world and she can see nothing around beyond the headlights of the car over the blur of the road and the wide sky in a midnight shade dotted with distant stars. She is not a stranger to silence or solitude. For the past three years she has been distant from these particular circumstances, but she takes them back, she claims them as old friends in a time of need. And she just drives. No luggage. No warnings on L-Corp or Catco. No messages to supposed friends. No goodbyes.

There're persistent vibrating calls on the cell phone in her pocket and there're several reasons for her to respond to some of them, but she thinks she can tear the device apart by touching it and reading their words, words that she knows will hurt, words she knows will not tell the whole truth. And she's lost in the paradox of failing to deal with the truth throwed in her face and not being able to deal with any other oppressive truth right now.

So she drives to the only place where she can find some kind of safeness.

Metropolis, in the suburb's heart, where a red mailbox illustrates the surname "Arias".

In the dead of night, Lena leaves.

And she goes to the only person who has never lied to her.

 

She parks the car on the empty street, still wet from the last rainstorm, but doesn't dare leave yet. She thinks of those deep, soft brown eyes of Samantha and wonders if she will not fall apart as soon as she opens the door. Because she can't fall apart. She promised herself that she would remain composed and controlled, that she would bury everything in her boxes and handle with temperance in the face of the situation.

This is not the first time someone lies to her.

This is not the first time she feels betrayed and left behind.

_She can do this._

But she rings the bell, the bottle of french wine as a cordial gift tightened on her hand, and the door immediately opens to reveal Samantha Arias in a disney sweatshirt and skinny jeans, barefoot with her hair short above the shoulders, and the most significant, a smile she would recognize in the most perpetual darkness.

"Hey." She bends her head to the door, breathing deeply as if she's relieved.

"Hello, stranger." Lena can't help but smile at her, a wave of peacefulness flooding everything inside her. "Coche-Dury Les Perrieres?" She happily presents the bottle of wine.

Samantha accepts the offer, but she just hums in acknowledgment and turns to leave the bottle on the wooden sideboard of the lobby, advancing to catch her in a surprised embrace. Lena almost gasps for a second before putting her arms around her back, the woman holding her so tight that she almost feels floating. She pulls Lena inside and kicks the door shut, sighing over her hair, her cold thin fingers touching the tips. "I missed you."

"I missed you too." She sniffs to stifle tears, gazing cautiously around. "Ruby?" She moves away from the touch.

"Sleepover." She reassures with a smile. "But she'll be back tomorrow morning and we can go out and eat pancakes. Is that okay?"

"Please, I could not impose. You must have plans for the day."

"We have." She laughs, folding her arms. "You. We reserved the day to stay with you."

"Sam..." Lena doesn't hide the surprise, unable to hide the fiery melancholy. "You shouldn't. I'm not worthy of a..." Words escaped before she could contain it and she pauses, her eyes widening, Sam's narrowing in response. "I'm sorry I...."

"Hey..." Sam interrupts, entering her personal space, holding gently her trembling fingers. "It's okay." She pulls her to the couch, sitting them in a position they face each other eye to eye. "It's okay. Is something wrong? Is that why you came in the middle of the night?"

"Oh god, you're right." She rips her hands off hers and looks at the clock on the wall behind her head. "It's so late, I shouldn't have come, I..."

"And I'm so glad you came..." Samantha interrupts her again with a sigh and a patient smile. "I just want to understand the rush, because you seemed troubled on the phone and this isn't you." She cautiously offers a hand and Lena holds it, the softness of the warm palm under hers sliding a stream of light energy on her body. "It's okay. It's me."

_It's me._

Who is 'me'?

Who is anyone now?

Samantha looks at her as if she already knows everything, as if she could see through her composure and gently open the boxes she keeps. What does she know? Is there anything she knows that Lena doesn't?

She shakes her head and finds herself gaping, bending to slide her hands to Sam's wrists, as if she needs to hold her there and convince herself that her head is beginning to project nonsense and untruth, because this isn't right, Samantha Arias is the only one who never lied to her, who never omitted things from her, who never hesitated to be honest with her, always so kind and modest and careful.

"Sam..." She whispers.

Samantha softens the confused expression and manages to entwine her fingers in hers, getting rid of the grip on her wrists. "I'm not going anywhere."

Silence lingers between them and Lena doesn't dare break it. She doesn't know where to start or even if she can start from somewhere and she can't tell what she knows, she would never reveal someone else's secret, no matter how much she is wounded.

Kara still looks like her best friend, with her soft kind smile, her clumsy gestures, but now she's nothing but a cracked image.

Alex still looks like the friend she has never expected, who loves to share whiskey with her, a scientist like her, a stubborn like her, but now she's nothing but a cracked image.

J'onn. Nia. Jimmy. Brainy.

They are all a cracked image.

They all knew the whole time, they all shared the burden of Kara's secret. She was the only one left behind, the outsider, the lonely jester.

...

_Why?_

"Tell you what." Sam smiles. "I'll fill two glasses of wine and we can put some music and yo'll relax for a little, okay?"

Lena nods because she can not speak.

But when Samantha gets up and goes to the kitchen with the bottle of wine, when she loses the heat of the comforting presence, when she loses the last rock on sight and feels drifting in the sea, sinking so fast, on her final breath, she doesn't know what she's doing anymore and why she's here. Sam left National City to live in peace with Ruby, she can't just drag her most horrifying nightmares and vomit it over the last sincere friend that remained for her.

In the dead of the same night, Lena tries to leave again.

"Lena?"

She trembles with the car key in the pocket of her coat and almost stumbles out, Sam's voice calling from inside like a distant whisper. It's raining again and she can barely feel the drops on her face, a painting for the tears she will not let go. She needs to leave, though she doesn't know where to go, she needs some sense of stability, something that allows her to find the answers, but she can not risk Sam with the darkness that devours her right now.

_Stupid._

_Stupid Lena Luthor._

_Can you do anything right for once?_

"Lena!" Her arm is grabbed and she is pulled sharply, her body colliding with Samantha's, the woman still barefoot, her eyes confused and afflicted. "Lena, what the hell you're doing?"

There it is. She knew it would happen. Those deep, soft brown eyes of her. Just a glimpse and she feels disarmed, about to fall apart. "I'm sorry, Sam, I have to go. Emergencies. You remember how it was on L-Corp. I'm sorry to take your time, you can rest and we can talk another time, perhaps, with that bottle of wine?" She tries to sustain a miserable smile.

"Why?" Sam shakes her head, frowning, holding the CEO inside her embrace as the fine droplets fall slowly over them. "Why are you lying to me, Lena?"

"I'm not..." She is gaping, the tears finally trying to overflow from her eyelids. "I never lied to you..." And then the flow escapes, she gasps, she grabs her sweatshirt, the nails etched into Sam's chest, running out of breath in her arms as control begins to fade. "Sam I never..."

"Hey, hey, look at me." She holds her standing, confusion turning into concern. "You know I would never pressure you to do something you don't want to, but I can't let you leave and drive back to National City like this. We don't need to talk, but please, please, stay..."

"We need to talk, I need to talk, I don't know where to start!" She despairs unable to look into Sam's eyes, staring at her own trembling hands on her chest. "I'm not feeling like myself." She whispers and her jaw stiffens like marble and Samantha realizes she has never seen her so vulnerable and lost.

But Samantha Arias knows a thing or two about being lost of yourself. She holds Lena in her arms. "Hold on." She lifts her off the ground, holding firmly on her back and under her knees, Lena's face sheltered on her neck, and begins to walk steadily inside the house again. By now they are drenched in rain, but she couldn't care less. She continues walking and climbs the stairs to silently leave Lena in her own bedroom, opening the closet suggestively and leaving without a word, because the most important thing is Lena being dry and lukewarm and then she can try to protect her and take care of her from the simplest deals.

She changes her own clothes, opens the bottle of French wine, turns on the electric fireplace, pulls the couch's cushions onto the carpet and sits in the middle, containing the distress she felt when she saw Lena hiding in her own pain, wanting to rescue her.

The truth is she never wanted to leave National City. She never wanted to stay so far away from Lena after all they'd faced and the triumph they'd achieved together and with their friends. But she had to provide a new perspective to Ruby, something simple and distant from all the horror she also experienced. She has never regretted this decision, especially since she and Lena talk constantly. Never until today, where everything she wanted was to have been around to know what broke Lena so densely.

If only she could know how broken Lena is right now...

Lena holds a yellow wool sweater from Sam's closet and inspires her scent, she feels she can almost dance with it, putting it on and immediately absorbing the heat, the piece of clothing so long that covers her thighs and she doesn't need more. She goes down the stairs with her arms crossed, still submerged in her sorrow, Sam's vision waiting for her in the carpet with wine and warmth fire almost enough for her to forget everything and all of them.

"Hey." She whispers, stopping on the last step as if she's suddenly shy.

Samantha glances from the fire at her and she looks so small and helpless. And she wants Lena to allow herself to disarm spontaneously with her, the same way she does with Kara. It's not that she's jealous, she adores Kara and knows she's Lena's best friend. And apparently there's also Alex, who said on one of skype's calls to Ruby that she was distant because she was worried about Lena and the reasons were confidential, but she would take care of her.

She left National City. It's obvious she would be part of Lena's life in a less immediate form, a less constant way.

And it's all right. She's happy for Lena and she wants her to have all the friends in the world, even better if they're those incredible people whom Samantha herself owes so much.

But where are these people now?

Where's Alex? Above them all, where's Kara?

"Hey." She smiles warmly and pats the carpet, summoning her silently.

They sit in a comfortable stillness and Lena no longer thinks about running away from her. She doesn't know if she can still try. Rain strengthens outside and they remain like this, eyes on the fireplace, glasses of wine emptying, Sam constantly looking sidelong, waiting for the words she knows Lena needs to say. And Lena didn't back down, she needs to say something before the words suffocate her, before she loses the last tenuous line of courage and do what she always does: boxes inside boxes and over other sealed boxes.

But there's something different about Sam. Sam was always different from all of them. Those people in National City are heroes in disguise, government agents, aliens from the future, bold journalists, they're warriors, they're political existences, they fight with bloody fists and inspiring words.

And Samantha is a hard-working single mother who has been in the most absurd working conditions until she reaches the executive branch with all of her excelling ability. She lives to give Ruby a better life and she never abandons her kindness even in the most stressful days. She likes wine and silence and she makes Lena feel like life can be simple.

She is a different kind of hero. A kind of hero that makes Lena remember about tiny precious things that the world imposed on her since she went to the Luthor mansion was not allowed to own and appreciate. Sam makes her remember the fresh soil of Ireland, the softness of a tired but joyful voice, the outdoor walks, the pastel colors. Of how some parents love their children unconditionally, of how some people even without any choice are strong enough to rebuild, how people can overcome even the most pernicious challenges when they have something to fight for.

_Simple._

Full of pressure and defiance and tears, but so simple...

Can a Luthor _crave_ for a simple life?

She would give everything now more than ever for some kind of simplicity.

"I like it when you smile." Sam's voice awakens her, a soft look on her eyes.

Only now she realizes she was staring at her with a gracious smile and the smile she mirrors raises a sob that gets stuck in her throat and she finally feels like crashing.

"I'm so stupid." She whimpers, her eyelids starting to fill.

Samantha wants to refute, but she doesn't. She just waits with those beautiful brown eyes of hers as if she guarantees that Lena can tell her anything.

"They were my family, the one I chose, the one who chose me despite my name, but they lied, each one of them lied every day looking into my eyes." She shivers violently, her face reddening with restrained tears, and Samantha cautiously takes the glass from her hands so she doesn't get hurt. "It's like everything is illusory, everything is going to crumble, no matter where I go this is always going to happen, but this time..."

"Lena, dear..." Sam holds her trembling hands, her voice sounding pleading. "What's going on, who are you talking about?"

Lena closes her eyes and exhales a ragged sigh. She knows Sam has no idea what's going on, and she could never tell, again not just because she would never reveal anyone's secret, but she couldn't bear to see Sam breaking remembering that Reign almost exterminated Supergirl. After all she'd gone through, she could never inflict another pain on her. She remembers, because she has already hurt her with her own hands when she tried to wake the wordkiller.

_Never again._

"Mother was right. She said that I would be alone. It didn't happen for the reasons she supposed, but it happened anyway and deep down she knew it would happen and it would be inevitable." She keeps throwing, a frenzy of pain clouding her control. "But I don't understand..." Unstoppable tears blur her face. "Why? What is wrong with me, Sam?"

"Hey, hey!" Samantha holds firmly to her hands. "There's nothing wrong with you. You hear me? Nothing." She can't hide her despair. "But Lena, if you don't tell me w..."

"I can't..." She cries even more. "They lied to me and I'm still protecting them, all of them, Alex, J'onn, Brainiac, Nia, James... Kara... Kara has been lying to me since we met, Sam, and I... I feel so stupid and naive... Why didn't she trust me? I wasn't worthy? All I ever wanted was to do things right, to do better. I tried to... And they..."

Sam releases her hands, incredulous hearing the names "What...?"

Lena leans close to her knees and tries to stifle the sobs she can not stop anymore. She thinks of everything from the first time she spoke to each of those people and what they have hidden from her since then.

She thinks of how many times she blamed herself for putting Kara in danger, thinking she might have lost her when in fact she is almost indestructible. She thinks of Alex reprimanding her for keeping the secret about Sam and Reign. She thinks of J'onn reading her mind. She thinks of all of them, but Kara is there like a ghost in her nightmares. When Kara used the name Luthor against her in the other dimension. When she told James to investigate her lab. And every time she really could have lost her best friend, the kryptonite poisoning the air, the first fight with Reign, when Kara could have died and she would never know the truth.

_Why? Why?! Why her?!_

Did she do something wrong? She wasn't trustworthy? Hasn't she proved to be on the good guys side? Why she was left out just when she thought she had found people she could trust fully?

"I d-don't want t-to be alone again..." She gasps, her final sentence before fading in sorrow.

Sam's confused and disbelieving expression immediately disappears and she gently holds Lena's face, her soft thumbs brushing away tears. "You are not alone. Not even for a second. I'm here. Your Sam, the same as always. And forever."

Her statement doesn't help with the tears, but Lena opens a watery smile. "Of course you are. I'm such a fool."

"You're not a fool. You're not stupid and you're not naive. You're so good, Lena..." She holds her as something precious, the tears overflowing from Lena's eyelids and running down to her quivering lips. "And you're going to change everything regardless of the people around you, because your desire for a better world is what in itself already makes the world a little bit better."

"Sam..." She closes her eyes, gritting her teeth as if she's about to break. Samantha wants her to break. Samantha wants her to let it go.

Because she'll be ready to catch her.

"Look at me, please..." She caresses her thumb on Lena's cheeks, the agonizing request sounding pleaded. And Lena's bright green eyes open like flowers in spring for her, spontaneous, but inevitable, driven by greater force. "I don't know what happened there and you don't have to tell me, but you need to know that you're worthy of trust and love. You're worthy of complicity and faith. Because despite of everything, I look into your eyes and I can see the same woman who entrusted me her company, the same who embraced my daughter, the same who took care of me even before I discovered Reign." She lays her forehead over Lena's to whisper. "You gave my life back. You are my hero, Lena Luthor. Just tell me what to do to stop this and I will do it."

"I shot Lex." She confesses defeated, waiting for the repulsion. "I shot my own brother."

But she's been wrong so many times lately, because Sam still looks at her with those eyes, those damn beautiful eyes, and brings her within her arms, warmth invading her from outside to inside as if touching her heart with bare careful hands. "It's okay." She caresses her face. "It's not your fault. I know you did what was necessary, I know you only do what it takes to protect everyone, to keep people from getting hurt. I know you, Lena Luthor. And I promise everything is going to be okay."

Such a huge promise strikes her and makes her dizzy in Sam's embrace.

With no more tears to pour, she lets herself fall into the body that holds her so protectively and falls asleep in slow seconds of still so deep anguish.

 

Lena wakes up in a large empty bed, the dawn invading through the window cracks, wearing the same yellow sweater, her shoes, dress and coat now clean and dry on the other side of the mattress. She remembers everything and feels absolutely guilty and embarrassed, but the safeness that keeps her sane can't be ignored or diminished, Samantha Arias, her wisdom, her strength, her kindness, her protection, she was Lena's guiding star last night and she's still the same star this morning.

She changes, but refuses to leave the sweater, taking it with her downstaris as an amulet. She finally can see clearly the modest beautiful house, photographs of Ruby and Sam everywhere and one in particular, one that almost brings tears back, right above the fireplace. She and Sam smiling at the camera and Ruby in the middle grimacing.

_Simple._

There's a note near the picture, as if Samantha knew she'd see it.

**_"Morning, sleepy head. I hope you have rested. I'm getting Ruby and then we're going out to eat pancakes, don't even think about running away from us._ **

**_The phone is on the table. You know what to do. You always know, even when you think you don't. And you always do right._ **

**_Your Sam. The same as always. :)"_ **

She sighs deeply. This woman knows her so well. And she's right. Lena has to do it.

_"L-Corp, Miss Luthor's office, how can I help you?"_

"Jess. It's me, Lena."

 _"Miss Luthor...!"_ The secretary sounds relieved.

"I'm fine. I need you to comply with some protocols due my absence. Can you write it down?"

 _"Immediatly, Miss Luthor."_  

"First summon Miss Porter for interim CEO until I return, but cancel my meetings with the president of Wayne Enterprises and the conference with those investors from Magnus Labs."

_"Noted, Miss Luthor."_

"Good. Call James Olsen and tell him that I won't be coming to Catco for the next few days, but that I demand the editorials to be sent to me as usual."

 _"Anything else?"_ She asks cheerfully.

The door opens the moment she tortures herself with her toughts. Sam enters balancing a couple of bags, turning to gives one to Ruby, who doesn't enter the house, sending her to deliver a box to the old lady next door, coming in and smiling casually as she walks past her toward the kitchen.

She releases another deep sigh. She shouldn't, but she can't help it.

**_You always do right..._ **

"Tell James Olsen to let Kara Danvers know I'm out of town. Incommunicable until second order."

_"It will be done, Miss Luthor."_

"Thank you, Jessica. I'll reward you when I'm back."

_"At your service, Miss Luthor. Always."_

She hangs up and Ruby comes running into the house, a huge smile on her face. She practically throws herself in her arms, no words necessary. But Sam, who probably hasn't heard the girl coming in, comes from the kitchen with her arms crossed and a devilish smile, her eyes close.

"It's pretty sexy when you go like this all bossy on the phone, you know, Miss Luthor?"

"Mom!" Ruby exclaims scandalized and Samantha opens her eyes, immediately blushing from head to toe.

"Ruby...!" She swallows hard. "I thought you were with the neighbor..."

"I was fast. I wanted to see Auntie Lena." She explains biting a smile.

"Oh, okay... You know I was just..."

"Telling auntie Lena how sexy she was being bossy on the phone? You're so cheesy, mom, you need to improve your game." The girl teases and she and Lena start laughing, Samantha even more flustered with the joke, but unable to contain her own laughter as she finally listens to Lena's, sophisticated, sweet, and spontaneous.

"Okay, okay, smartass, now go get your beanie or we'll eat all the pancakes without you."

"Pancakes! Yes!" She cheers and laughs at Lena one last time before running upstairs.

Lena watches her and turns to Samantha, those eyes probing her gently. "She's not letting you forget it."

"I know." Sam laughs and shrugs. "How did you sleep?" She slowly approaches to put a lock of black hair behind Lena's ear.

"Better than I have slept for days. Thank you."

"Don't mention that." She offers her arm. "Ready to go?"

"Lead the way." She accepts and that heat fills her again.

"Are you sure? Ruby can be a savage when it comes to pancakes, I don't know who she got this from..." She pretends innocence and brings another laugh from Lena.

"Trust me, I think I can handle it."

 

It turns out she really can. Brightly.

Samantha is a child as much as Ruby in the coffee shop. They laugh at everything and have fun with everything. Sam squeezes a blueberry over the tip of the girl's nose and Ruby gives a viscous syrup kiss on her cheek. They tell her great stories about their days in Metropolis and Lena knows that Sam is pulling all the strings to distract her from her torments and give her a moment of peace. And it works. It's simple and precious and it works so naturally it feels just right.

It feels like family.

And it breaks her, thinking about the family she thought she had back to National Ciy.

But then Sam is the one who leans and gives a viscous syrup kiss on her cheek and everything looks wonderful again. She is attentive to all signs, ready for all relapses. And even with Lena being so hopelessness of everything and everyone right now, Samantha makes her feel like she'll always be there to see, to understand, to accept and, above all, to be honest with her.

Can a Luthor _choose_ a simple life?

If not, at least she can temporarily enjoy the tenderness the simplicity has to offer.

Last night the rain left cold all around, but nothing can stop Ruby from dragging them into the park, the soccer ball under her arm, the smoking coffees in Sam and Lena's hands, watching in a cozy silence the girl's enthusiasm. It is strange to return to Metropolis and find so much shelter after she left with a broken heart to start over in National City. And now she's back with a broken heart one more time, lost once more, fleeing from what she can't face yet. But she knows this time everything is different. This time she feels the world slip through her fingers, liquefying without control, this time it hurts more, this time it tears the bottom of the last resistance, feeling like floating in an intoxicating atmosphere, the darkness of the whole world overwhelming her senses.

"The worst kind of betrayal comes from those closest to you..." She whispers to herself in her bitterness, forgetting the two presences at her side, awakening as Sam cleared her throat.

"Are you okay, auntie Lena?" Ruby genuinely asks, the ball in her hand, eyes full of worry, almost as perceptive as her mother.

"I'm fine, darling, just thinking about work." She smiles truly the best she can to ease the concern.

"Mom always said you work too much." She nods. "Is that all?" She risks again, suspecting.

"That's all." She winks, leaning over to touch her cheek. "Promise."

Ruby seems to finally let go, rushing across the grass to find her friends in the sand field, throwing the ball up and starting the match. Sam stays and walks beside her on the gravel trail, but she suddenly seems distant, her beautiful eyes guarding some kind of derangement.

"That wasn't true, right?" She smiles affectionately.

Lena frowns until she realizes. "Telling Ruby I was fine? She doesn't need to know. She would just be confused and worried."

"You did it to protect her."

"Sam..." She becomes solemn, aggravating. "I know where you're going to and..."

"Just listen to me for a second." She makes her stop and gently puts a hand on her waist. "I got it, you can't tell me what this is about, but answer me only one thing. You think those people, the ones you consider your family, don't love you?"

Lena swerves from those eyes, sighing in confusion. "I don't know what this has to do with the subject."

"Sometimes people we love lie to us because they love us too. Because they don't want to hurt us, disturb us, overwhelm us. That doesn't mean they're right, it doesn't mean that in the end they won't end up hurting us anyway, but the intentions... The true intentions, those that come from the heart, they matter, Lena. You told me this so many times about Reign..."

Lena shakes her head in denial and keeps running from her eyes, feeling touched, moved by the sincerity, by the sweetness of this woman who knows her so well. "If only you could know about everything..." She murmurs in frustration, folding her arms.

"Look..." Sam caresses her tensed arms. "I want to say that everything is fine, that you can run away forever and forget everything that has ever hurt you. I want to say anything that makes you smile, Lena. But I can't. Because you're a grown woman too kind and too generous to run away forever." She rests her forehead on her, whispering close. "You have to face whatever this is. I know it's not what you want to hear right now, but I won't lie to you. Never."

_I won't lie to you._

_Never._

"I don't know if I can." She confesses with a harrowing voice. "I'm so scared, Sam. I've never been this scared. If I fail I don't know what..."

"This isn't happening." Sam interrupts fiercely. "You won't fail because I'll be there to catch you."

A single bitter tear trickles down Lena's face. "Sam..."

"I let you go when we met and you let me go after we defeated Reign. I can't do this anymore, letting you go, I just can't."

"You have Ruby to worry about, she deserves a..."

"When you proposed me to work with you and I thought you would change your mind when I told you about having a child, you called me silly and said I could have everything, and I'm still that person, I'm still me, your Sam, the same as always." She leans further over her to whisper brokenly. "So tell me... Can I still have everything, Lena?"

...Can she?

...Can they?

"WATCHOUT!" A scream echoes from far away and Samantha pulls Lena in with her right on time for the ball to pass like a rocket to the other side of the park, narrowly missing them.

"Wow! That was close..." Samantha laughs and looks at Lena again, finding her eyes gleaming with the question lost in the past moment.

Ruby comes running with guilt all over her face. "Sorry, sorry, sorry! It was totally my fault!"

But Samantha just laughs at her despair and lets go of Lena's waist, the absent warmth immediately felt by the CEO. "Looks like I'll have to teach you how to give a decent kick!" And she rushes towards the ball, Ruby chasing her to start a joyous game of kicks and dribbles.

Lena remains petrified with the words arrowed right into her heart and mind, a stream of glaring thoughts around her head.

_You think those people, the ones you consider your family, don't love you?_

_Can I still have everything, Lena?_

She's no longer sure at this point of what love truly is, but she thinks it looks a lot like Samantha Arias smiling at her with the wind fluttering her hair, a muddy ball under her foot and the sun shining above them.

 

When night comes, it's all about a stack of films that Ruby categorically chose, three boxes of pizza and the rest of the french wine. In some part of the movie where Ruby is already snoring on the floor and Carol Danvers and Maria Rambeau are reuniting, Sam's arm wraps around her and she lies on her shoulder, snuggling into that absolute heat of her. She closes her eyes and feels like she can stay this way for a long time, just listening to Sam's heartbeat, a beautiful movie and Ruby's soft snores like a soundtrack deep in a scenery she doesn't want to miss ever again.

"Sam?" She whispers in the darkness, when movie credits start rolling.

"Hm?" Samantha murmurs sweetly, her warm eyes turning to look at her.

"You can." She decides, tired of overthinking. "You can have everything."

Samantha takes a deep breath and Lena knows it was worth the risk, because she opens the most splendorous priceless smile that she has ever seen.

"Good." She whispers back, kissing her forehead slowly and softly. "Good."

"I don't know how we're going to do this, but it's fine. Good." Lena laughs, almost breaking the tenderness of the moment.

"You'll figure it out." Sam winks, caressing her arm, a playful smile on her face.

"Me?" She pretends incredulity.

"Of course." Her smile becomes sweet. "You always do. Right?"

She knows Samantha is not just talking about what's blooming between them, but she let go and lay on her warm chest, Sam's arms welcoming her and making her dream while still awake.

Her Sam.

The same as always.

The one who will never lie to her.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for getting here! See you guys soon. :)
> 
> Find me on twitter: @dokkstormur


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